


I'm Not Ready Yet.

by zuzuzukas_dream



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, M/M, another one of those sad drabbles i always do, post-dr2, pre-dr3, the hinaegi tag clearly needed heavy deep sad fics and im here to provide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 23:31:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10673040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zuzuzukas_dream/pseuds/zuzuzukas_dream
Summary: Hajime and Makoto in the final hour before Makoto must head to the Future Foundation Headquarters, charged for going against orders to save the Remnants of Despair. Angst, hurt/comfort.





	I'm Not Ready Yet.

**Author's Note:**

> my work is legit just always me wanting to show character dynamics and also make people sad apparently. the characterisation of hajime here is him realising that facing the future is harder than he initially hoped it would be, as well as that he still has a lot of growth to do before he's invincible.

The light from his phone is sucked from the room. The light in his eyes fades with it.

"Hajime," Makoto murmurs. "Love. I have to go."

The reply is almost inaudible; delicate, Hajime's words are ones to strain to hear. His voice comes hollow and searching. "For how long?" he asks.

"I don't know."

Tawny skin is now brushed blue by the light of the bedside lamp, and Hajime emerges from a deeper shadow as he drags his head up. Here, in the intimacy of their close proximity, sharing warmth beneath the bed sheets, Hajime's seeping fear brings to them a sudden cold.

"I don't know if I can do it," he says, and his words have grown in volume, but are still so exhausted. Barely there in strength. Feathered at the edges.

Makoto's eyes soften, and his gaze takes in the face of the boy he loves. A silence stills his lips and, swallowing, he finds he struggles to look directly into those deep set eyes. The darkness cannot take any of their power away - not the darkness of the room, or of what they have faced. They are still piercing, and when they pierce Makoto, he feels his whole body coil against a shiver.

On his own knees, on the blanket that rests atop them, his fists clench somewhat. He aches to instil some kind of security within Hajime, but there is so little that he can do. "Your friends are here. Friends who witnessed what you did, who were there when you endured the worst moments of your life." Briefly, he pauses to lick his lips. His throat is dry. "Trust me when I say this, Hajime. They are important allies."

"I know," he says. "I... know. But -..." His hesitance is reflected in the way his lips bloat slightly, mouth swelling with words that he wants to say, but can't. In that moment, he leans closer, his taller form coming to tenderly wrap around Makoto. "I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," replies Makoto, but his reply is more abrupt - perhaps too much so. The silence that greets him, and the gentle squeeze from Hajime, tell him so. "Even if... they put me away, I'll return eventually. And, Kyouko will keep you safe."

There is still nothing. Makoto understands. He does, really. He can grasp the overwhelming nature of fear, and how it prevents you from accepting comfort. It has controlled him ever since the beginning of the tragedy - subtly, at first, but eventually gravely. He has always sought to do what he believes must be done, and been trapped within himself against it. 

The very thing that he is so known for - hope - is built upon his response to it. Yes, he understands why Hajime sits, paralysed, clinging to what he believes he needs, and why he refuses to let go when Makoto gently ushers him to do so. Why he has begun to cry, knowing what horrors lie within the uncertain future that he is trying so hard to face.

He promised to live on as himself. And, as himself, he is truly terrified of losing a newfound stretch of safety.

"I love you very much," Makoto begins to say. Careful, and constructed, and with a mere moment where his sadness breaks his voice. "This isn't enough to keep either of us safe. But, so long as you believe in the future of choice that she gave you..." His head tilts into Hajime's. "I'll have the most important reason to return to you, wherever you are."

A thumb brushes past his ear, and saltwater tears press into the nape of his neck as Hajime lays a desperate kiss against his skin. Then another. There are some things that words are absolutely unable to say; unable to explain; unable to at all communicate - and Hajime says them here, guiding his lips towards Makoto's.

The kiss is kind, but desperate. Within him, there are urges to scream and scratch and do any great harm that can be done. This does not leave Hajime as he shakily exhales, nor fades as he presses their foreheads together. Makoto's hands search for his, and upon finding them, hold them. Tightly.

"I love you too," Hajime says. "I do. And, I'm not- ungrateful for what Nanami gave us. But, I'm no better than who I was, on my own."

Makoto pulls their hands to his chest. "You are. Even if you can't see it - I can. This is a promise." He leans in briefly to peck his lips again. "You are stronger than you ever were, because you've chosen to be Hinata Hajime."

The side of Hajime's face is aglow, then, with the return of light from Makoto's phone. They both look toward it, and Makoto's stomach drops.

"Do you have to go right now?" Hajime asks, a child's voice in him.

"I do," comes Makoto's reply. "And then, I'll come back for you."

Hajime sits back on his knees. He goes to say something, and then falters, before abandoning it entirely. "I'm sorry," he says.

Makoto asks what for. "For giving you reason to not believe in me." Hajime's eyes are still trained on the phone, which has once again gone dark. "You don't need this just before you go."

"I do believe in you," says Makoto. Then there is a laugh from him - humourless, perhaps, but instead kind. Hajime's attention is drawn to him. "No matter what you do - no matter how scared you are - I'll always believe in you. Don't you know that already?"

Just as soon as Hajime's eyes befall him, they quickly avert to another part of the room. Embarrassment - lighter than the depth of terror he was previously burdened with. "I don't know why," he says.

Makoto takes his phone, and then rolls some of his clothes over his arm. Their hands are disconnected now, but Makoto ghosts his fingers along Hajime's jaw to continue the comfort of physical contact. "I've been giving you hints. Maybe one day you'll piece it together."

Hajime doesn't reply, so he adds, "I'd like to see that."

They kiss again. Multiple times, in fact, before they leave. There are more words that don't quite explain what needs to be explained, but there is no time for that. Fully dressed, the pair fall into more absent conversation on their way out - they find ways to laugh, to smile, to nudge one another and to make wide gestures of love towards the sky, even on the sands just before the port. Their voices reach the agents waiting for them before they are visible, and their tones are ones of joy.

Upon returning to Kyouko, this joy begins to crack. She sees in him, even before his smile fades, the great loss he stands to endure the moment he leaves this boy - this man. This dazzling ray of hope that he has helped rise from the ashes, and now smiles as though it is natural and effortless as opposed to something of implanted malice.

Makoto will never admit to the possibility of never returning, for that is not in him, and Hajime will never stray from the fear of being left without him, for that is not in him.

A gloved hand touches Makoto's back, and the look they share is of tenderness. Aoi offers him a joke, and he halfheartedly takes it - then his eyes are back to Hajime, and his hands are back to Hajime's. There isn't so much that they can do.

His subconscious need to be here - a feeling which befits the word "need" more than any other - has him glued to Hajime through their final moments. They cling to one another as they say their goodbyes, and one of Makoto's hands must be pulled to tear him away. The island, in all of its forbidden majesty, dwarfs Hajime, and in all that air, Makoto strains to hear the blessings he calls to him.

"I'll miss you!" is the last thing he says. The boat, the water, and the distance steals away Hajime's reply. Still, he yells it again, and waves one hand manically. The effort leaves him breathless. The fog atop the water begins to tower, and his eyesight fails him, transforming the shape of Hajime into what can no longer be identified as much at all.

And then, at last, the tears come.

He bows into Kyouko's embrace and allows himself to recognise his own haunting fear.

**Author's Note:**

> pls i love these kids so much


End file.
